I was going to post this yesterday, but he came back and voluntarily wanted to speak to me.
I had to initiate the conversation yesterday, which means I just ran outside and startled him and ended up forcing him to talk in riddles.
Which probably wasn't the best choice, but he says the most interesting/useful things when threatened. So hey.
We capitalize what he says because he really doesn't have any volume control. Even when he whispers it sounds like he shouting. In a way.
Me: [runs out the door, pushing it shut before Sparky or Phoebe can get out]
Crow: [looks up and grabs several of his birds] KITTY!
Me: I don't wanna touch your birds and the dogs are inside. Cool your jets.
Crow: MEAN KITTY.
Me: Yes, I am. Deal.
Crow: [opens his arms slightly so the birds can fly out] WHAT D(X) Y(X)U WANT?
Me: I just wanna talk.
Crow: KITTIES HURT BIRDIES. CR(X)W D(X)ES N(X)T LIKE KITTIES.
Me: What did I just tell you. I don't even like birds that much.
Crow: F(X)X SAYS...[there's a long pause here, I'm pretty sure he was trying to remember the word] HARSH MISTRESS. KITTY IS HARSH.
Me: I don't like Todd much either, but I deal.
Crow: [cocks his head, silence]
Crow: [nods a lot, then sits down and pulls up some grass]
Me: So... [I casually walk towards one of the trees in the front yard, some what closer to him] ...what's your relationship with the other two?
Crow: [cocks his head again]
Me: Your friends.
Crow: F(X)X IS FRIEND.
Me: Yes he is. What about Rat?
Crow: RAT IS DIRTYDIRTYDIRTY. [he throws some grass]
Me: We think so too.
Crow: KITTY SH(X)ULD EAT RAT. KITTIES EAT RATS.
Me: No. Ew. Gross. I don't even want to touch him.
Crow: [giggles...I think]
Me: So why do you listen to Rat?
Crow: [cocks his head AGAIN; I get the feeling Crow is very easily confused by way too may things]
Me: You do what Rat says.
Me: That doesn't make much sense.
Me: If he's such a jerk...if he's...uhm...so dirty...why do you listen to him?
Crow: CR(X)W IS A...IS A...IS A...SIMPLET(X)N. RAT SAYS S(X).
Me: Crows are really smart, actually. You could probably take over the world with your crows. You don't need Rat or It.
Crow: [silent, petting some birds]
Me: You know who It is?
Crow: MASTER. F(X)X SAYS IT IS MASTER AND MASTER IS DARK. MASTER SCARES CR(X)W. MASTER KEEPS CR(X)W SAFE.
Me: [I'm not getting much, time to irritate him] You 'Master' is a horrendous, evil piece of shit.
Me: You just said It scares you. Don't you hate It?
Crow: N(X)! CR(X)W IS G(X)(X)D BIRD. CR(X)W SERVES MASTER.
Me: Raven hates It.
Crow: RAVEN IS NICE T(X) CR(X)W.
Me: Because she has to be.
It got eerily quiet here. Crow stopped moving completely. His finger was lightly touching one of his crow's on the beak. And then all of the birds flew away.
Crow: RAVEN FLIES (X)N WINGS (X)F SYMPATHY F(X)R HER BR(X)THER.
Crow: SECRETS THERE ARE SECRETS THAT SH(X)ULD N(X)T BE T(X)LD BUT THEY WERE Y(X)U T(X)LD.
Me: We all told.
Crow: THE MIRTH IS HIS MIRTH HIS HIS HIS.
Crow: HE WILL LAUGH WHEN YOU FALL.
Then he ran towards the woods and was gone. The first thing confused me because Sammi actually has a brother. Chris. But Chris has no idea what's going on and that doesn't make any sense.
Theory two is this.
Crows and ravens look a lot a like. Crow is a guy. Sammi does have genuine sympathy for him.
Theory three is really unlikely. Chris is Crow.
And then he came back when I was making breakfast the morning. Just to tap on the window by the table and shout this: "HE WILL LAUGH HE WILL LAUGH. LISTEN TO ME LISTENLISTENLISTEN."
Then he turned around to leave. But he stopped and shouted: "MASTER HATES KITTIES."
He had my cat by its neck. I ran out to go get Mr. Meows from him, but he'd already dropped him and fled.
I think we've all gotten into the habit of taking anything Crow repeats as a clue. Three. Two. Three. Wedding, mirth, wedding.
The mirth is his? Probably It. And apparently we are a force blocking It. I'm not really sure how that works.
Whelp...we're going down to Columbus for Easter. Time to see my niece. See you later.